Ghosting is bad, but ‘ghostlighting’ is worse: Expert reveals early warning signs of this toxic dating trend

Modern dating continues to evolve with new terms describing relationship behaviours, and “ghostlighting” is now gaining attention. While ghosting—suddenly cutting off all communication—is already widely recognised, ghostlighting is more harmful as it combines ghosting with psychological manipulation similar to gaslighting. In such cases, a person not only withdraws from the relationship but also distorts reality, making their partner question their own feelings or actions before eventually disappearing.

According to psychologist Rasshi Gurnani, ghosting often reflects emotional avoidance and a lack of maturity, as individuals may fear confrontation or being seen as the “bad person.” Ghostlighting goes a step further by shifting blame and invalidating the other person’s concerns, often linked to avoidant attachment styles and low emotional accountability. In today’s fast-paced dating culture, where connections can feel disposable, some people use these behaviours to avoid responsibility while maintaining control, leaving others confused and emotionally unsettled.

Early warning signs of ghostlighting include inconsistent communication, unexplained withdrawal after initial interest, and dismissive responses when clarity is sought. A person may disappear for periods and return as if nothing happened, minimising the impact of their absence. Over time, this behaviour can make someone doubt their own perceptions and feel unsure about what is actually happening in the relationship.

To protect emotional well-being, it is important to trust your own feelings and recognise patterns of confusion or distress. Setting clear boundaries around respect, honesty, and consistency is essential. Focusing on actions rather than promises, seeking support from trusted people, and, if needed, distancing yourself from the situation can help maintain emotional stability. Ultimately, healthy relationships are built on clear communication, mutual respect, and reliability—when these are missing, prioritising your mental well-being becomes crucial.